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U.S. to Stay on Offense Against Terror Until War is Won, or Until It Gets Very Tired

Washington – President Bush said today that the United States will stay “on the offensive against the terrorists and terror networks across the globe, right up until it gets really exhausting for us. Then, we’ll give it a rest.”

Bush addressed the press to solidify his administration’s stance on terrorism, namely that the U.S. must remain “on offense.” “We all know that offense is where you score points, where you really do damage against that other team. But everyone knows, offense doesn’t last forever. At some point, there’s a break. There’s halftime, there are time outs, so on. So let me pledge that we will remain on offense until this war on terror is won, or at least until halftime. I think, after all, that’s only fair.”

Reporters were allowed to ask questions following the president’s prepared remarks. Some questioned what the “offensive” strategy has yielded so far in the war on terrorism.

bush at lectern

“Well, I don’t even see how you can ask that question,” Bush responded. “I mean, it’s been awfully successful so far. I mean, we’ve killed, how many, 500 number 2 al Qaeda members? I don’t know why they have so many number 2s, but I think we’ve almost got them all now. Maybe there a few stray ones somewhere out there, in some cave. But we’ll get them too. We get all the number 2s.”

An Associated Press reporter then noted that the public might be wondering why Osama Bin Laden has still not been found, six and half years after the 9/11 terror attacks.

“Well, he hasn’t been found because he’s very good at hiding,” Bush said. “He’s wily, you might say. Like the coyote. But he’s like a coyote with kidney problems. Or liver problems, or whichever organ he has that’s malfunctioning. He’s wily. And he’s good at hiding. But you know what we’re good at? Finding people that are good at hiding. That’s what we do. That’s how we found all those number 2 guys. And we found Saddam, too. And he was underground. In a hole. So I don’t doubt we’ll find Osama Bin Laden. He’ll turn up sooner or later. And when he does, we’ll snatch him up, and we’ll bring him to justice. Swift justice. Unless, you know, the Saudi royal family has some kind of… some kind of recommendation. Then we’ll have to see where we are at that point. But we’ll do it swiftly.”