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The Union Is Bitchin’

WASHINGTON – President Bush’s State of the Union speech tonight drove home one basic fact: this Union is fucking awesome.

The president noted that under his leadership we as a nation have spread freedom and democracy, saved many parts of the world from tyranny and oppression, increased jobs by the millions, and improved the level of education in the country, among many other things. As if that weren’t enough, he even proposed an obviously logical and ingenious solution to the imminent, bone-chilling Social Security crisis, and urged congressional action on the twin scourges of asbestos litigation and the possibility of gay people marrying.

The president received several standing ovations, and was forced to pause many times due to applause and cheers. The reaction was proof of the speech’s grace and eloquence, not to mention its factual accuracy and utter lack of empty rhetoric and false promises.

Jane Parsons watched the speech from her home in Allentown, Pennsylvania. She said, “When the president talks about ‘freedom from fear,’ I mean, I just get all shaken up. Just, I think, the specificity of it. The fact that I see a real plan under there.”

bush state of the union