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Business/Economy

Sociopath Great CEO

New York – Norman Edleman, a sociopath, is CEO of InteliPlay, a company that makes products for children ranging from bath toys to on-the-go snacks. The firm has experienced double digit growth every year over the last five years, and many say the firm’s success is due in large part to Edleman’s sociopathic personality.

“He has the right instincts, the right lack of moral concern,” said a high-level executive at the firm who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of angering a sociopath who is also the executive’s boss. “When you don’t feel any guilt or responsibility for the well-being of other people, you can do amazing things.”

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NP Wire

Company That Has Only Lost Money Valued at $20 Billion

New York – QuickyShare, the incredibly popular social networking web application that allows users to share photos, videos and audio clips, was valued at $20 billion Thursday, after its stock finished the day trading at $44.10 a share. That was a marked jump from its initial price of $26 a share, following its much-heralded initial public offering Thursday morning.

Analysts say the stock’s price jump is evidence that there is a very bright future for QuickyShare and its investors, filled with huge growth potential. The site has hundreds of millions of users worldwide, and has already begun incorporating ads and promoted content into the stream of content those users see.

Critics, however, warn that QuickyShare is still very much in the early stages of its publicly traded life – indeed, it hasn’t even been a public company for 24 hours. They point out that the company has only lost money so far, some $300 million, to be exact, and the fact that it will turn a profit is anything but guaranteed.

Investors will have to decide if the chance of a huge future reward is worth taking a very real risk in the present.

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Business/Economy

Experts: Larry Summers Clear Choice to Guide Us Into Next Financial Crisis

Washington – With speculation rife that President Obama may tap former Clinton Treasury Secretary Larry Summers to be chairman of the Federal Reserve when Ben Bernanke steps down in January, experts are weighing in from all over the political spectrum. The consensus seems to be that Summers is the perfect choice to guide us directly into the next economic catastrophe.

Summers, who pushed for repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act of 1933, the law that had separated investment and commercial banks, also has written about how unemployment benefits “contribute to unemployment” by providing an incentive to not work.

John Pinske, an Economics professor at Duke University, says Summers is exactly the right candidate to lead us into the next crisis.

“If you’re looking for someone to escort us into the next crash, he’s the guy, hands-down,” Pinske says. “He’s very pro-deregulation, pro-Wall Street, and is pretty much the embodiment of the attitudes that precipitated the last crisis, and crises before that, and will most likely precipitate whatever the next one will be.”

Pinske says that Wall Street firms are already playing many of the dangerous games they were playing in the lead-up to the subprime mortgage disaster. Summers’ appointment would almost certainly lead to less regulation of those firms, thereby increasing the risk of a similar crisis, only in a different sector.

“Could be student loans, bonds, online education, maybe even housing again,” Pinske says. “The point is, it will most likely start with Wall Street, with large banks, and if we want that to happen, we need a guy to go easy on Wall Street again. And that guy is Larry Summers.”

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Business/Economy

Dow Jones Industrial Average Means Everything to Unemployed Man

Kansas City, MO – Daniel Zersky wants to find a job. He was laid off nearly four months ago, after working for 13 years as a machine operator at a nearby textile plant. Now, his children can’t afford new clothes or toys, his car is overdue for maintenance and his wife needs to see a dentist. The Zerskys don’t have the money for any of these things.

“I hope something will come through soon,” Daniel said, sitting in his living room with his wife, Ernestine. “We’re down to our last little bit here.”

But what keeps Daniel going is the performance of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. The type of day the benchmark indicator has can lift Daniel’s spirits or drag them down. It all depends on where the Dow is as the closing bell sounds.

“If the Dow moves up, I get very happy, very content,” Daniel said. “It’s as if I don’t have any problems anymore.”

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Business/Economy

Wall Street Posts Strong Gains on Knowledge it Can Do Whatever the Fuck it Wants

New York – The Dow Jones Industrial Average soared above 10,000 again Tuesday, chiefly on the strength of a report that Wall Street executives can do “basically anything they fucking want, whenever they fucking want.”