Washington – In response to the current economic crisis, Senate Republicans introduced a bill today that would simultaneously eliminate the income tax and the income for the so-called ‘middle class,’ which the senators identified as those American households earning less than $100,000 a year. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said the bill “accomplished a difficult objective, difficultly.” The bill may face tough opposition in the Democratic-controlled Senate, although that is unlikely due to the fact that many Democrats are known to have no fortitude of any kind.
Washington – House Republicans today warned the people of Washington, D.C. that they are at risk of attack from “a gigantic government wielding several types of contraceptives.” House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio held a press conference this afternoon to issue the warning.
“Today my Republican colleagues in the House of Representatives and I have learned of a grave threat to the people of this great city,” Boehner said in prepared remarks. “There is, at this moment, a gigantic government loose somewhere in Washington. This government is unwieldy, it is unpredictable, and it is armed with thousands of contraceptives.”