Categories
Politics

Rahm Emanuel Quietly Strangles Cleaning Woman Who Saw Classified Documents

Washington – Very quietly and without fanfare, President Barack Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, strangled a female member of the White House cleaning staff who had inadvertently seen classified documents Mr. Emanuel had in an open briefcase. Mr. Emanuel said the strangling, “Went off without a hitch,” and he was back at work within a half hour.

The White House did not identify the woman except to say she was “a dedicated member of the White House cleaning staff for over 12 years” in a statement released Tuesday afternoon.

Categories
Politics

Senator Finds Rahm Emanuel Waiting For Him in Darkened Parking Garage

Washington – Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska said today that he had an odd and unsettling late-night encounter with White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel Thursday night.

Senator Nelson, a conservative Democrat, has been trying over the past several days to negotiate a compromise with a small group of senators from both parties, including Republicans Susan Collins and Arlen Specter, of Maine and Pennsylvania respectively. As of last night, they had been unsuccessful in modifying the stimulus package so that enough senators would vote in its favor to override any filibuster. It was following a late night of intense negotiation that the Senator from Nebraska says he found Mr. Emanuel waiting in the darkened Capitol parking garage as he approached his car.