NP Wire

CNN Vows to Keep Erin Burnett Under Water Until Missing Jet is Found

New York – CNN announced Friday that it would keep Erin Burnett, host of the network’s “OutFront” program, submerged beneath a pool of water, until missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 is found. The pool is currently being built in CNN’s New York studios, and is made to resemble the part of the Indian Ocean where the missing airliner is thought to be, according to Jeff Zucker, CNN Worldwide’s president.

“To prove our commitment to this story, we will submerge one of our top on-air journalists under water, where she will cover the story with her usual grace and integrity,” Zucker said.

Zucker admitted that having Burnett host her show from under the water is a challenge, but he said CNN is “more than prepared” to face it.

“We have cutting edge technology that enables us to broadcast the show seamlessly from under the water,” Zucker said. “Erin will be completely safe, and I can guarantee you, her hair will look amazing. You will hardly notice she’s under water, except for the oxygen mask. And even the necessity of that, we’re looking into.”

Zucker denied that the move is no more than a publicity stunt. On the contrary, he said, it’s about Burnett’s commitment to journalism, as well as the network’s own commitment.

“This goes to show Erin’s commitment to this story, to go where the story leads. In this case, that’s under a pool of water, thousands of miles from anything related to the story,” he said. “This is very brave, in a TV news star kind of way. Moreover, our coverage of this disaster has showcased, and continues to showcase, CNN’s commitment to journalism, or whatever it is you call what it is we do.”


Nation Shocked Man who Imitates Ducks For Living Not Enlightened about Sexuality and Race

New York, NY – The A&E network has suspended ‘Duck Dynasty’ star Phil Robertson “indefinitely” over comments he made to GQ magazine about homosexuals and blacks. The nation, meanwhile, is shocked that a man who is a professional imitator of ducks doesn’t appear to have enlightened views on sexuality and race.

“I can’t believe it,” said Pamela Atheson of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, an avowed fan of the number one rated nonfiction show in the history of television. “These guys are sophisticated and world-wise, and I expect them to have mature views on things like gay rights and race relations. I guess I was wrong.”


Lindsey Graham to Block White House Nominees Until Obama Admits He Murdered Chris Stevens

Washington – South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham said Monday he would continue to block President Barack Obama’s appointments in the U.S. Senate, until the president admits that he murdered U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens himself.

“It is imperative that the president come clean about what happened the night of September 11, 2012,” Graham said Monday. “Namely, that he murdered J. Christopher Stevens, and possibly three other Americans, with his bare hands, in Benghazi, Lybia.”

Stevens, the U.S. Ambassador to Lybia, was murdered in an attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, and the White House has since faced continued criticism about its initial explanation of the events that unfolded that night, and about their awareness of a burgeoning threat beforehand.

Graham made his threat to filibuster the president’s nominees late last month, along with fellow Relublican senator John McCain of Arizona. Both men pointed to a recent “60 Minutes” report by a purported eyewitness to the attack as more evidence that questions needed to be answered by administration officials. However, that report has since been retracted and was the subject of an apology by “60 Minutes” host Lara Logan on Sunday night.

The backpedaling by “60 Minutes” and CBS did not dampen Graham’s fervor, however. “I’m going to continue with trying to get at the truth, CBS report or no CBS report,” Graham said. “This isn’t about a report on ‘60 Minutes.’ This is about the president murdering a U.S. ambassador, and him admitting to that and facing the consequences.”

The nominees who may face Graham’s filibuster include Jeh Johnson, nominated to head the Department of Homeland Security, and Janet Yellen, nominated to be the new Federal Reserve chair.


Majority of Mothers Raging about Casey Anthony Verdict on Social Media Don’t Know Where Their Children Are

This article was originally published June 8, 2011.

A study released by the nonprofit Hodgman Family Institute finds that just over 86% of mothers who have taken to Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets to voice their frustration and anger over the acquittal of Casey Anthony on murder charges, in the days following the June 5th verdict, don’t know where their own children are.

“What we’re finding is that these mothers are taking the time to go online and say how angry they are about the verdict,” said Sandra Michaelson, the Director of Research at the Hodgman Institute. “Meanwhile, their children are falling down stairs, leaving the house, and otherwise acting in such a way that they could have used a much greater level of supervision. Or any supervision.”

For instance, Michaelson cites the case of Yvette Lawson, a mother of two from Easton, Pennsylvania. At 4:07 PM on June 6th, the day after the verdict was announced, Yvette tweeted, “I am so outraged, I don’t know what to do!” At 4:09 PM on that same day, she tweeted, “Anyone local — have you seen Miley and Jordan? I can’t find them anywhere.” This is typical, Michaelson says, of the results she and her team are seeing.

“It is very common, of the mothers we studied, who describe themselves as ‘outraged’ or ‘furious,’ that they will be on some kind of social media site for up to 18 hours each day, in the days since the verdict came out,” Michaelson said. “And 86% of them don’t know where their children are for at least half that time.”

Asked for a recommendation on action to be taken in response to the study’s findings, Michaelson says she’s not sure there’s an easy answer.

“Short of sending someone around to all these homes, I’m not sure what can be done,” Michaelson said. “But it is alarming. We had one woman tell us she couldn’t be sure her children have eaten anything since June 5th at four o’clock.”


Illegal Immigrant Will Take Over as Host of ‘Lou Dobbs Tonight’

A spokesman for CNN has confirmed that Luis Gonzalez, an immigrant who illegally crossed the border from Mexico into the United States in 2005, will take over the reigns as host of ‘Lou Dobbs Tonight,’ effective immediately.