Categories
NP Wire

Phrase ‘Benghazi Smoking Gun’ Gives John McCain Erection

The phrase is also said to make Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina “weak in the knees.”

Categories
Politics

Lindsey Graham to Block White House Nominees Until Obama Admits He Murdered Chris Stevens

Washington – South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham said Monday he would continue to block President Barack Obama’s appointments in the U.S. Senate, until the president admits that he murdered U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens himself.

“It is imperative that the president come clean about what happened the night of September 11, 2012,” Graham said Monday. “Namely, that he murdered J. Christopher Stevens, and possibly three other Americans, with his bare hands, in Benghazi, Lybia.”

Stevens, the U.S. Ambassador to Lybia, was murdered in an attack on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, and the White House has since faced continued criticism about its initial explanation of the events that unfolded that night, and about their awareness of a burgeoning threat beforehand.

Graham made his threat to filibuster the president’s nominees late last month, along with fellow Relublican senator John McCain of Arizona. Both men pointed to a recent “60 Minutes” report by a purported eyewitness to the attack as more evidence that questions needed to be answered by administration officials. However, that report has since been retracted and was the subject of an apology by “60 Minutes” host Lara Logan on Sunday night.

The backpedaling by “60 Minutes” and CBS did not dampen Graham’s fervor, however. “I’m going to continue with trying to get at the truth, CBS report or no CBS report,” Graham said. “This isn’t about a report on ‘60 Minutes.’ This is about the president murdering a U.S. ambassador, and him admitting to that and facing the consequences.”

The nominees who may face Graham’s filibuster include Jeh Johnson, nominated to head the Department of Homeland Security, and Janet Yellen, nominated to be the new Federal Reserve chair.

Categories
NPN The Mack Truck

How McCain Should Respond to Obama Speech – Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey

The Mack Truck discusses the final night of the Democratic National Convention, and what John McCain’s response should be to Barack Obama’s speech. A transcript of the excerpt follows the jump.

Categories
NPN The Mack Truck

McCain’s Homes – Henry “Mack Truck” Harvey Show

In an excerpt from the episode of August 22, The Mack Truck discusses the recent flare-up over John McCain’s forgetting how many homes he and his wife own. A transcript is below the video. You can subscribe in iTunes by clicking the “subscribe” link.

Categories
World

McCain Invades Iran Himself

USS Nimitz – Presumptive Republican presidential candidate John McCain flew an F-18 Hornet into Iranian airspace today and dropped several 2,000 lb. bombs on what he thought were important military targets. The bombs were actually dropped into a cluster of camels in an otherwise abandoned stretch of desert. One camel was reportedly wounded. McCain was not fired upon by Iranian air defense forces, presumably because he was nowhere near a significant target, and he returned to the USS Nimitz aircraft carrier at approximately 2PM Eastern Standard Time.

McCain, a Navy fighter pilot in the Vietnam War, said he “was just sick of waiting around” and decided to take on the invasion himself. No other U.S. military personnel participated in the invasion, and it was “wholly unauthorized,” according to a statement released by the U.S. Navy. The statement went on, “Neither the United States Navy nor any other branch of the U.S. military ordered this invasion, which was solely the work of Senator McCain. We cannot speak to what Senator McCain was thinking in undertaking such a mission, but we feel fortunate that he did no substantial damage and caused no serious injuries. Except for the camel, of course.”

McCain dropped bombs on what he thought were two “targets.” The first was what he thought was a newly constructed nuclear reactor, and the second was the home of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. In fact, McCain had dropped the first set of bombs into the cluster of camels, then somehow circled around and dropped the second set of bombs on the camels again. Reports indicate the same camel was injured both times.

“I think I definitely hit Ahmadinejad’s house, though I can’t be sure,” McCain said. “Visibility was pretty low, but that was mainly because the goggles fell down into my mouth and then my eyes teared up. So I just started dropping those suckers. But I was near his house, I think. I was near something. Something that seemed like a house. And the first target was definitely a nuclear reactor of some kind, that I could tell was being constructed. And that one, I blew to smithereens.”

Reporters told McCain he had only wounded a camel, twice, and that no worthwhile military targets were hit or were even nearby. They showed him a copy of the Navy statement.

“A camel?” McCain asked in disbelief, after reading the statement. “No, no. That was no camel, my friends. One target was a nuclear reactor, and the other was a house that I believe one outspoken Iranian president lives in. Or at least…used to live in.” McCain then chuckled.