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Biden Pushing for Inaugural Moon Bounce

Washington – For several days now, Vice President-elect Joe Biden has been lobbying members of the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies to include as part of the official swearing-in ceremony a moon bounce, an inflatable structure that people can enter and bounce up and down in. So far, there has been no ruling by the committee regarding Biden’s request.

“We have not come to a decision on the, the moon bounce as yet,” said Senator Diane Feinstein of California, chair of the committee. “We have explained to Vice President-elect Biden, however, that at this late date, it may not be logistically possible to include such a–a, uh, item in the festivities. Everything’s in place already, and has been for some time now.”

“Well, I just think it would be fantastic to have one of those,” Biden said. “Have you seen them? They’re amazing. You go inside–No, first you take off your shoes. Then you go inside. And you know what you do then? You bounce around like a crazy person! Isn’t that fantastic? You just let it all go and jump up and down like you’re on some kind of powerful combination of drugs. It’s fantastic.”

Biden suggests having the moon bounce somewhere near the steps of the Capitol, where the swearing in of both he and Mr. Obama will take place. “I don’t know, like up behind the swearing in somewhere,” Biden said. “It doesn’t have to detract from the actual ceremony. It could be tasteful. But I mean, wouldn’t that be great, though, to have senators and congressmen and people from the crowd bouncing up and down while Barack’s taking the oath of office? I think it’d be wild. I’ll tell you right now, if they agree and put one of those things there, right after I get sworn in, my shoes are coming off and I am so in that thing, it’s not even funny.”

Asked whether he was aware that inflatable structures like the moon bounce are typically meant for children, Biden said, “Children? Oh, no, I don’t think so. I don’t know where you got that information from, but, I mean, for instance, we’ve had one in the Senate chamber for years now, and there’s no kids in there. There’s just a bunch of fun-loving senators who love taking off their shoes and jumping up and down like maniacs. By the way, do you know there’s also a little hole you can jump through to get out, and you go down a slide?! Can you believe that?!”

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National

Joan Baez, Santana, CSN to Play Inaugural Love-Fest

Washington – Not since 1969 has such a spirit of openness been present in American society. Reflecting that spirit, several legendary performers will delight fans and protesters at the Inaugural of Love, a free concert to usher in President Bush’s second term, already being dubbed, “The Winter of Love.”

Santana, Joan Baez, Crosby, Stills & Nash and Richie Havens are just a few of the artists expected to make an appearance. Plans to include Indian music legend Ravi Shankar have hit a snag, however. Shankar left his native India a week ago, but was stopped at an airport checkpoint. He has not been seen or heard from since.

“We’re hopeful we’ll locate him,” Carlos Santana said. “I mean, there’s such a feeling of love and hope right n ow, they might even let him go, even with him being Indian. Who knows, you know?”

Protesters who had been planning to turn their backs on the president now say they experienced a collective epiphany upon arriving in Washington and instantly absorbing the loving spirit. They now plan to face front during the ceremony.

“I think we’ve just realized the error of our ways,” Stephanie Smith a protester who had been planning to turn her back, said. “This president is all about love. I don’t know what we were thinking before.”

For his part, the president is delighted that such artists will be performing for his second inauguration. “I’m just as pleased as punch. And I know Rehnquist loves CSN, so let’ s hope he lives until the ceremony.”