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The National Protrusion is Sort of Liveblogging the ABC New Hampshire Debates

I’m trying this out. I’ve never live-blogged before, so you may have to bear with me. And it’s also not really live, it’s just live on the West Coast. Anyway, I started tuning into the Republicans at about 7:30 PM Pacific time. So I missed some of it, but I’m sure there was lots of assurances that we’re all going to die due to Islamo-extremo-fascism jihadness, unless we elect whichever Republican is speaking at the time.

7:45 PM (Pacific) – Fred Thompson is insane. He also might already be dead. I’m not sure.

8:05 PM – God sure comes up a lot with the Republicans. Does God believe in preemptive strikes?

8:10 PM – Giuliani just gave an answer without mentioning 9/11. He’ll probably mention it ten times next round to make up for it.

8:14 PM – Big spat between McCain and Romney, ostensibly over McCain’s stance on illegal immigration. But really, I sense something else beneath the surface. And no, not the negative ads Romney’s been running or the fact that they know they’re both going to have to go head-to-head in NH. I think maybe McCain’s jealous that Romney’s so darned handsome.

8:17 PM – Fred Thompson is insane.

8:20 PM – ABC keeps cutting to Huckabee’s wife in the audience, when Huckabee’s speaking. I don’t really understand.

8:26 PM – Fred Thompson is insane. He just said Obama’s taking his orders from “every liberal interest group… the NEA.” The NEA? The National Endowment for the Arts? Come again?

Maybe he meant the National Education Association?

8:32 PM – Ron Paul: “Free market economics is the truly compassionate system.”

8:34 PM – Fred Thompson just wrote something on his notepad. I think it was a drawing of Foghorn Leghorn.

8:36 PM – Does Fred Thompson know he’s on television?

8:39 PM – Giuliani wants lots of nuclear energy. He compared it to the space race, because China and France have nuclear plants. I guess they’re kind of the same, like the way totally different things are the same. Wait a minute…

8:41 PM – The Repubs are done. And I think I figured it out – Fred Thompson is being manipulated by remote control, and whoever’s in charge of the remote dropped it under their seat for the length of the debate. But he’s standing and shaking hands now, so whoever it is must have found it again.

8:48 PM – Start of the Demos. George Snuffalupagus and Diane Sawyer. I actually like them. If anyone cares what I like. But you don’t care, do you? You never cared!

8:49 PM – Oh, they’re just analyzing the Repubs first. Romney was really getting hit a lot. I missed some of that.

8:51 PM – They just cut to the “spin room.” Makes me think of the Jon Stewart comment on the spinning when he went off on CNN. My wife said of the “political pros,” as Diane Sawyer called them, “They look insane. ‘We’re ready to eat you.'”

8:53 PM – One of the “pros” seems to be eight feet tall.

9:00 PM – The ABC poll has Clinton and Obama at 33% and Edwards at 20%. 20%? That’s not good for him. If it’s accurate, that is.

9:03 PM – Oh. Charlie Gibson is in fact moderating again. I thought Snuffalupagus and Diane Sawyer were moderating. I was wrong. It happens. Quite a bit.

9:05 PM – FEAR! Brian Ross reports on the U.S.’s weak nuclear screening system. And who wants nuclear weapons? Osama Bin Laden!! FEAR! He also said he smuggled some nuclear type stuff past the screeners – TWICE. Um, should we arrest him then? Brian Ross, Islamofascist Terrorist. Who knew?

9:10 PM – Obama and Edwards both say they would take Bin Laden out if they had actionable intelligence. But I would like someone to explain what Bhutto meant when she said someone had murdered Bin Laden in her interview with David Frost. Anyone?

9:13 PM – They all look very tired. But then, I would be tired too if I was doing what they’ve been doing. Hell, I’m tired now and I woke up at noon.

9:16 PM – Richardson, if I understand him, is basically saying that we should take advantage of the situation and force Musharraf out.

9:18 PM – Clinton might have just fallen asleep. She’s dreaming of parsing.

9:18 PM – FEAR!! Charlie Gibson just talked about the chance of a nuclear attack in an American city being between 30% and 50%. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

9:20 PM – Edwards just said a president would have to be calming in the case of a nuclear attack. That’s crazy talk. He must be some kind of Islamofascist hippie pinko commie. Or a former Senator or something.

9:25 PM – FEAR!! ABC tells us that Social Security surplus runs out in 2017! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

9:27 PM – This whole Clinton line of, “You don’t get change by demanding it,” etc… with some slight variance, is getting really old. It didn’t work before, and it’s not working now, silly Senator Clinton. I know the writers are on strike, but you should be able to come up with something else, no?

9:28 PM – Ooh, snap! Hillary said Obama could have a debate with himself. No, she actually said the AP said it. But then he said that it was actually her people who said it. It’s on!

9:33 PM – I guess Hillary may be seen as looking “tough,” but her attacks on Obama seem ugly to me. And I like his response, and I think him and Edwards appear more mature and decent in their responses. So I don’t think she gains points by attacking like that, even though the conventional wisdom may say that she needs to attack. Edwards: “I didn’t hear these kind of attacks from Senator Clinton when she was ahead.” Oh, snap! Edwards totally hearts Obama tonight. It’s like puppy love.

9:35 PM – Hillary’s pissed. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! She’s also yelling, which I can’t imagine is helping her with anyone except the shrill lobby.

9:37 PM – Richardson just asked, “Is experience a leper?” No, silly. It’s a pariah.

9:40 PM – Hillary might stab Obama in the eye with Richardson’s American flag pin.

9:55 PM – FEAR!!! IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!!! If you don’t take Plavix, you could have a CLOT!! A CLOT!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

9:59 PM – News Bulletin: Hillary Rodham Clinton released her sense of humor from captivity today, after nearly fifty years of imprisoning it. Her sense of humor said, “I’m just glad to be out of there, at long last. Now free, I intend to fight for the release of my brother, the compassion of Rudy Giuliani.”

10:33 PM – I realize it’s been many minutes since I’ve written anything. That’s because I haven’t had any dinner, and my stomach is eating my brain.

10:35 PM – They just cut to Chelsea Clinton again, and I swear she changed seats.

10:37 PM – Bill Richardson is like a cuddly uncle. Cuddly Uncle Richardson. Who’ll never win. Awwww…

10:38 PM – The Dems are done. They’re going back to Snuffalupagus and Diane Sawyer when they come back from break. But I have to go get a pizza, or I might die.