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Rice Searches Between Seat Cushions for Integrity

Washington – Secretary of State nominee Condoleezza Rice was en route to her own Senate confirmation hearing when she realized she didn’t have something. “I looked around me, and it was one of those, ‘Oh, gosh, where is it’ moments,” Rice said, following the conclusion of the first day of hearings. “I checked my purse, my laptop bag, everything, but my integrity was nowhere to be found.”

Asked when she remembered having her integrity last, Rice said she can clearly remember having it when she left the house March 20, 2003, the day the United States began its invasion of Iraq. “I definitely had it that day because I remember the president asking me what it was. He had never seen anything like it before. After that… Gosh, I can’t say I remember having it at all. I guess I’ve just done without it this whole time.”

The White House won’t rule out foul play, as sitting Secretary of State Colin Powell’s integrity has gone missing as well, though he seems to have lost his earlier. Powell says he remembers last having his integrity when he went to sleep February 4, 2003, the night before his testimony to the U.N. regarding the justification of the military invasion of Iraq.