Press "Enter" to skip to content

Obama Admits He Loves to Appease in His Spare Time

Bristol, Virginia – Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama admitted today that “in my spare time, I love to appease.” The statement came in response to questions regarding remarks President Bush made last month, which were seen as a thinly veiled swipe at Obama’s foreign policy proposals and an attempt to identify them as promoting appeasement of terrorists and rogue regimes.

“I just, yeah, I love to kick back, on a day off from campaigning or from Senate business or what have you, and just spend the day appeasing,” Obama told a small group of reporters following a campaign event. “And it doesn’t have to be a terrorist or anything like that. It can be anybody, really. The neighbor wants to borrow my hose from the backyard. Even if he doesn’t ask, I’ll make it easier for him. I’ll pull the hose out, get all the knots out of it for him. Some would call that foolish. I call it the perfect way to spend a Sunday.”

President Bush, told about Obama’s admission, said, “Well, there you go. I told you he loved to appease, and obviously he does. Obviously, I was right. And, you know, I think this goes a long way toward proving that a person with these kinds of notions might not be ready to run this country. I mean, someone wants to borrow my hose? At the ranch in Crawford? First of all, they’d better ask. Second of all, I’m going to say no. It’s my hose. You want a hose, go get one yourself. I got mine, you can get yours. Actually, my father bought mine for me, but still–It’s still mine. Everything he bought me is still mine, even though he bought it for me. I mean, he gave it to me, so it’s mine. It’s not his. It’s mine. Because he gave it to me. But–what was I saying? Oh, yeah. No, I say to whoever’s trying to use that hose, Get the hell away from my hose and go back to your own damn yard. That’s the opposite of appeasement. It’s anti-appeasement. It’s un-appeasing. Which is what I want. I want them to feel unappeased. And anyway this would never happen because we have the electrified fence that Bechtel built for us. No one’s getting in. Great fence. Awesome fence. And it only cost $5.5 million. They billed the government.”