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Nader Enters Fifth Grade Student Council Election

Akron, Ohio – Former presidential candidate Ralph Nader entered Arondale Elementary School’s fifth grade student council elections Wednesday, then quickly jumped ahead of the former front-runner, ten-year-old Timmy Madigan. In an instant tracking poll taken Wednesday afternoon, Nader led Madigan by 82 points.

“What can I say,” the 2000 Green Party candidate said. “The kids love me.”

Emily Dorphman, whose campaign had been hampered by insufficient funds and a lack of media attention, garnered only 6% of likely voter support, according to Wednesday’s poll.

Nader, 70, cited language in the Arondale School’s handbook which states, “Anyone is welcome to run for student council positions!” When asked if he had any misgivings about entering the race at such a late date and ostensibly stealing the election from Madigan, Nader vigorously defended his actions, saying, “If Timmy Madigan loses this race, he loses because he was not a good enough candidate and made obviously false promises about longer recess and so on, not because I entered the race. These kids have to stop whining and look at themselves.”

Nader Enters Fifth Grade Student Council Election