Washington – President Bush was forced to chastise members of his cabinet today for showing up to meetings solely for the free pizza given out by the president, then making up excuses to leave. The cabinet members listened quietly to the president, without making any kind of protest.
“You enjoying that pizza, Carlos?” Mr. Bush asked Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez, who was mid-bite at the time. Gutierrez just nodded, head down, and mumbled, “Yes, sir,” softly.
“Good, good,” Mr. Bush continued. “I know it’s good pizza. And believe me, I like pizza as much as the next person. Probably more, depending on who the next person is. But we have important work to be done here, folks. Important work for the country. And as important as pizza is, this work is more important. It’s so important that we have to put pizza aside sometimes to deal with it. Like, right now there’s something going on with the economy. The bushy-looking guy who took over for Greenspan has to cut interest rates every three days. Something’s happening. I can feel it. Plus, people come in and tell me. So I know something’s happening.”
The president seemed more upset than angry, and he spoke on a personal level with his cabinet members, some of whom he’s worked with for many years. “Last week, after you all left, it was just me and Dick,” the president said, referring to Vice President Cheney. “And I think he was asleep.”
The president then confronted cabinet members on their excuses for needing to leave meetings, often immediately after finishing their pizza. “Elaine, last week you said your sister was in town,” Bush said to Labor Secretary Elaine Chaio. “That wasn’t true, was it?” Ms. Chaio shook her head, no. “I didn’t think so,” Bush said. “I didn’t think so. See, I know it seems to you guys like I don’t pick up on things like that, but I do. It just takes me a week or two. But then I think, ‘Holy cow, Elaine’s sister wasn’t really sick. She was pulling my leg. And I don’t even think she has a sister.’ See? So I know.”