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Gonzales Shows Up at Justice Department Dressed as Mukasey

Washington – Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales showed up at the Robert F. Kennedy Department of Justice Building disguised as current Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey. Gonzales resigned as Attorney General in August, 2007. His goal in disguising himself as Mukasey was apparently to infiltrate the department in order to run it as he once had. The attempt was foiled when the first person Gonzales encountered, the security guard at the building’s front entrance, recognized him immediately.

“I said, ‘Mr. Gonzales, is that you?'” recalled Anthony Pelogrin, the security guard, who has worked at the Kennedy building for over 12 years. “And he tried to deny it. He said something like, ‘Alberto Gonzales? Why, no, my good man. I’m Michael B. Mukasey. Don’t you recognize me?’ And he had this weird voice that was, like, part Kermit the Frog, and part woman. It didn’t sound anything like Attorney General Mukasey. It sounded like Bette Davis, if you want to know the truth.”

Asked to describe the way in which Gonzales attempted to disguise himself, Pelogrin said, “Well, he had dyed his hair white, and put on different glasses. But, I mean, that was it. He just looked like himself with white hair. It wasn’t…it wasn’t really a strong disguise.”

Gonzales was detained briefly by the security staff, and then released. Reached at his home hours after his release, Gonzales denied impersonating Mr. Mukasey. “Me impersonate him? Why would I impersonate him?” Gonzales said. “If anything, he’s impersonating me. Every day he sits there and pretends to be Attorney General, when the real Attorney General is here… in his kitchen. That’s who’s impersonating. Mr. Michael Mukasey is impersonating. And he’s doing a piss-poor job of it, too, if I may say so. He doesn’t look the least bit Latino.”

Pelogrin said he harbors no ill will toward Gonzales. “No, I wish this whole thing had never happened,” Pelogrin said. “I always liked Mr. Gonzales. He was always nice to me. But it was frustrating that he wouldn’t just say who he was, even though it was obvious that we knew. We pulled him into the holding room, and he just kept saying things like, ‘Boy, are you boys going to be sorry when you realize I’m Michael Mukasey.’ And at one point, I just said, ‘Look, Mr. Gonzales, before anyone else gets here, just drop the act and talk to me. I’m your friend here.’ But he just kept up with it. He said, ‘Oh, drop the act, eh? Drop the act? What act would that be, being Michael B. Mukasey, the current Attorney General of the United States? Because that’s the only part I play, my young friend. That’s the only role I know.’ It was all really weird. He’s saying all this stuff, trying to fool us, and he sounds like Bette Davis and looks like he strapped a raccoon to his head.”