Mansonville, OH – Republican presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani appeared before members of a steelworkers union here today having forgotten to wear his human being disguise, a suit of human-like skin which he wears for all public appearances. He walked on the stage to shrieks of horror and felt his face for the skin, which he then realized he had forgotten in his hotel bathroom.
“I had put it aside, on the sink,” Giuliani said after the appearance. “You know, like when you put your glasses down to wash your face or something. Well, I do that, except I take my human skin off and put it on the sink, wash up, and then put the skin back on. It’s all one piece, though, so I have to kind of step into it.”
Several people in the crowd ran for the doors of the convention hall, while Giuliani scurried offstage and dispatched an aide to go back to his hotel and retrieve the disguise. The former New York Mayor’s actual skin, seen today for the first time publicly, is red and scaly, with yellow eyes pushed close together in the center, and a long, pronged tongue occasionally shooting out from the mouth. He appears to be a giant red reptile.
“I was terrified, I mean, just terrified,” John Amber, a member of the steelworkers union, said after the event concluded. “I mean, I was in Korea, in the war. I’ve seen some nasty things. But I haven’t seen anything like that.” Asked if he would still consider voting for Giuliani after learning his true identity, Amber said, “Oh, yeah. Definitely. I mean, he’s not gay. And he’s not a woman or a black guy or whatever the hell Edwards is. So definitely, yeah.”
Giuliani returned to the stage with his human skin disguise, after a significant delay, to scattered applause. When he reached the podium at center stage, he said, “Well, I knew I forgot something. I thought, maybe my keys, my wallet, something. But it was my face. Don’t you hate that?” He chuckled, but no one in the crowd said a word or responded. Giuliani shuffled nervously, then began repeating, “9-11” continuously for approximately 26 minutes. He then thanked the crowd, and left.
