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Democrats Promise Not to Make Noise While Republicans Are Working

Washington – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said today that Democrats in the Senate will do their best from now on not to “make any noise or otherwise disturb hardworking Senate Republicans.” The pledge comes after several Senate Republicans complained about Democrats voicing opinions and otherwise making noise on the Senate floor.

“Today we, as a group of Democrats in the Senate, but also as a party in general, vow to learn that there’s a time and a place to make noise,” Reid said to reporters at the Capitol. He read from a prepared statement, and was surrounded by Charles E. Schumer of New York, and other prominent Senate Democrats. “And the Senate floor is not one of those places, and a Senate session is not one of those times. I know I myself have spoken in an audible voice on the Senate floor, sometimes even in opposition to a bill Senate Republicans were proposing. I can see the folly of my ways now, and I promise to never again obstruct the hard work of these patriotic American senators.”

Republicans responded favorably to the news of Reid’s promise. “I’m pleased with Senator Reid’s announcement,” said Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the Senate minority leader. “I think it shows that these Democrats have finally come to their senses and finally learned that the Senate floor is not a place where they can go running around willy-nilly, stomping and throwing little tantrums and making all kinds of noise. There’s work being done. Adult work. And they need to let that work happen in an orderly, civilized, and most importantly, quiet fashion. And then when we’re done working, we’ll let them know how things were decided so they can go vote for or against whatever it is we’ve determined they should vote for or against.”

However, it appears not all Democrats have gotten Reid’s message. Senators Chris Dodd of Connecticut and Russ Feingold of Wisconsin have both vowed to do whatever they can to oppose the passage of the upcoming FISA bill.

Asked about these renegade Democrats, McConnell said, “Well, sometimes you just have to give them a timeout. You don’t like to do it, but sometimes it’s the only way. They may cry a little, they may say they hate you, but the next time, they don’t make the same mistake again. Next time they’re nice and quiet.”