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Decorator of the Interior Testifies He Wants to Just Burn Those Hideous Drapes Right Now

Washington – Mark Focalm, Decorator of the Interior, testified before a Congressional committee today that he is, “Just sickened by the hideous drapes and the God-awful rug in that place. I mean, like, I just want to puke every day I walk in and see it. Uggh. Awful.”

The testimony before the House Appropriations Committee is part of an annual update to Congress on the status of all Cabinet-level departments. Focalm testified that the Interior is, “Like, in desperate need of a total, complete makeover. I mean, like, drastic, total do-over type thing. Otherwise, I’m just going to have to come to terms with vomiting every day.”

John P. Murtha, Democrat of Pennsylvania and member of the Appropriations Committee, asked Focalm, “What do you mean when you say it makes you want to vomit? I don’t understand.”

Focalm said, “I mean that it looks like a dog’s ass. An ugly dog. With an ugly ass. That’s what I mean.”