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Clinton Challenges Obama to Cage Match

Scranton, PA – While she was campaigning in Scranton today, Hillary Clinton’s campaign released a statement challenging rival Barack Obama to a televised steel-cage wrestling match. A steel-cage match is a particularly brutal type of wrestling match in which the two opponents are locked in a steel cage to fight, until one of them submits, is pinned for three seconds or escapes from the cage.

steel cage

“Senator Clinton is confident she will leave that cage victorious, proving her to be the candidate more prepared to take on the job of commander-in-chief,” the Clinton press release stated. “As the match will no doubt prove, Senator Clinton is ready to take on the job of President of the United States on day one, assuming day one comes after a full recovery from any injuries that might result from the match.”

The Obama camp was quick to respond. A statement released just hours after Clinton’s read, “Senator Obama is clearly younger and stronger than Senator Clinton. He will win this fight, just as he has won the fight for states and delegates. Senator Obama sees violence as a last resort in most cases, but Senator Clinton has left him no choice. And he will show no mercy. You can rest assured that if there is blood shed on that cage floor, most, if not all of it will be Senator Clinton’s.”

Clinton was asked about the challenge after speaking at a town hall meeting at a VFW Post in Scranton. “Well, Senator Obama claims he is tough enough to take on the job of commander-in-chief. If that’s true, let’s see it in the ring,” Clinton said. “Once that cage is locked, it will just be him, me, and whatever courage there is in each of us. He speaks of the ‘audacity of hope,’ but I’m talking about something else: the audacity of smooshing someone’s face against a steel fence. And I think that’s pretty audacious.”

Following her statements regarding the match, Clinton challenged several reporters to arm-wrestle her. She said she wanted to show that she has “the biceps to make the tough foreign policy decisions.” When no reporters took up her challenge, she picked up a male aide over her head and threw him several feet to the ground to demonstrate her strength.