Card – The Bulletin

Sessions Now Free To Abuse Minorities In The Private Sector

Trump Condemns All Anti-Semites Not Currently On Staff
Trump: These Attempted Attacks Are Horrendous, Except The CNN One
Saudi Crown Prince Vows to Reform Way Kingdom Covers Up Murders
Sudden Death of Pimp, Dennis Hof, Sends Trump Scrambling for New Candidate to Replace Sessions
Trump Congratulates Saudi Crown Prince on Pretty Sweet Strongman Move

The News, In Satire Form