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Bush Vows to Finish ‘She’s Come Undone’ by End of Term

Washington – President Bush vowed today to finish the Wally Lamb novel “She’s Come Undone” by the time he leaves office in January, 2009. Though the book is “over 400 pages long and filled with an overwhelming amount of words and phrases,” Bush said he’s confident he can accomplish the task of getting through the entire thing.

“As many of you probably know by now, when I set my mind to do something, I do it,” Bush said, reading from a prepared statement on the South Lawn of the White House. “And this book is no different. Yes, it is long, relative to the other things I’ve read. Yes, it contains no pictures. And yes, I did begin it in 2003. But I will not back away from this challenge. I will face it head-on. I will get through this book, as difficult as it may be.”

Mr. Bush did not say how many pages of the book he has read so far, though there were rumors swirling throughout Washington that he’s read up to page 38. Mr. Bush did, however, have a suggestion for the author. “Mr. Lamb, with all due respect, it is my opinion that you don’t need as many words as you use. I honestly believe this book, as wonderful as it is so far, could be 200 pages instead of well over 400. For instance, if you want to describe a character’s emotion, you could just say, ‘He was sad,’ or ‘She was happy.’ That’s enough for me. I don’t need a whole paragraph. I think this kind of tactic would make it easier on the reader and would promote more reading throughout the country. Less is more, my friend. Less is more.”

Though Mr. Bush would not get into specifics, he did say there were several other things he hopes to complete by the time he leaves office. But they don’t appear to include a Middle East peace agreement or any significant legislation on the domestic front. Mr. Bush hinted that they just might include “a jigsaw puzzle and a game of Sudoku that’s just boggling my mind.”