Washington – The universe suddenly imploded this morning when President Bush attempted to use addition to prove the validity of his private investment plan for Social Security.
At approximately 10:50 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, the president began a sentence with the phrase, “As dictated by just math.” An intergalactic shift immediately occurred. When the president continued, apparently unaware of the shift, he asked a reporter how old his child was, in order to prove that the child would be without Social Security by the time the child reached retirement age. That appears to be the precise moment the universe became violently compresses, according to experts.
“The president was trying to figure out what year it would be when a 14-year-old child reached retirement age,” said Anthony Rice of the Nicholo Foundation for Cosmic Research. “That’s–That’s when the real trouble began.”
Apparently, the universe couldn’t handle the president attempting addition. In essence, it swallowed itself, leaving nothing but blackness. Fortunately, AOL/Time Warner, Inc. had previously purchased rights to the universe, and threatened to sue for breach of contract if it disappeared. It quickly came back, and order was restored.
The press conference continued on as usual, with the president and several reporters seemingly unaware of what had happened.