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Bush Announces Plan to Nap For Remainder of Term

Annapolis, MD – Just as he was making an apparent move to combat the perception of his presidency being firmly set in its lame duck period by pushing for and moderating Mideast peace talks here between Israeli and Palestinian leaders, President Bush announced today that he would spend the remainder of his term taking a nap.

“It’s the best way I can help the country,” Bush said in a short press briefing after taking part in one of several meetings between Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and president of the Palestinian Authority Mahmoud Abbas. “Once I return home from this very important and historic trip, I plan to lay down. And then keep doing that for the rest of the year, and until my term ends. But I will still be working. Be assured of that. I’ll be planning, conceiving of ideas to help this country achieve freedom and prosperity. I’ll just be asleep.”

Asked if he was concerned that the decision would add to the widely held belief that his final year will be an ineffective one, Bush said, “I’m not concerned at all. ‘Lame duck.’ What does that even mean? It’s insulting, is what it is. To ducks. Because ducks are not lame. They are awesome.”

“I don’t see how this means I won’t be getting anything done,” Bush continued when pressed further on the issue of how his proposed inactivity will be perceived by a frustrated public. “I have some of my best ideas when I’m asleep. It’s when I wake up that I tend to run into trouble.”

The president has roughly one year and one month remaining in his term. He said he had planned to push for several domestic initiatives, once returned from aiding the Mideast peace talks in Annapolis. But then he saw his bed in the distance, and, exhausted from the many days of negotiations, his plans changed.