Cheney Injures Larynx Laughing Diabolically

Vice President Dick Cheney was treated for injuries to his larynx and stomach muscles after laughing diabolically at President Bush’s proposed budget and the response to it.

The Union Is Bitchin’

The president noted that under his leadership we as a nation have spread freedom and democracy, saved many parts of the world from tyranny and oppression, increased jobs by the millions, and improved the level of education in the country, among many other things.

Democrats Hunt for Balls

Democrats, meeting here Saturday for a fifth and final regional caucus to decide who might head their party, were forced to face a harsh reality: they have no balls.