Nader Enters Fifth Grade Student Council Election

Akron, Ohio – Former presidential candidate Ralph Nader entered Arondale Elementary School’s fifth grade student council elections Wednesday, then quickly jumped ahead of the former front-runner, ten-year-old Timmy Madigan. In an instant tracking poll taken Wednesday afternoon, Nader led Madigan by 82 points. “What can I say,” the 2000 Green Party candidate said. “The kids

Alcohol Still The Best Solution

New York, NY – James Eggleton, a 20-something corporate climber, just had a near shouting match with his wife of two years on his cell phone. He’s incredibly tired lately, he says, and is also angry for no reason, especially at the couple’s 8-month-old daughter. He is also drunk. It’s 5:30 on a Thursday evening,

Bin Laden Email to Rice About Attacks Caught in Spam Folder

Washington – The Protrusion has obtained a copy of an email allegedly sent from Osama Bin Laden to Condoleezza Rice a week before the 9/11 terrorist attacks. “It was from my Yahoo account,” Bin Laden said by telephone. “I don’t know what happened. I never heard back, nothing. I think it must have been put