Press "Enter" to skip to content

Ahmadinejad Demands U.S. Give Him Moist Piece of Cake

Tehran, Iran – Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad demanded in a speech today that he receive, from the United States, “The most moist piece of cake that there is, that the supposedly powerful United States possesses. If they cannot do this, how can they be called a superpower?”

The remarks were made as part of a talk Ahmadinejad gave at the University of Tehran to a crowded auditorium of mostly students and young people. He went on to say that the cake he has received in the past from the United States has been, “dry and flakey, almost like a shoebox.” He challenged President Bush directly in regard to the ability of the United States to provide moist cake.”All this talking you do, Mr. Bush, what does it amount to, if you cannot produce even one piece of moist cake? I answer it amounts to nothing. It is just talk. Empty. No calories. No icing. No nothing.”

President Bush responded by dismissing Ahmadinejad’s statements. “He just, uh, he just says things like this from time to time, and we have to just take what he says with a grain of salt,” Mr. Bush said. “The idea that we can’t produce a moist piece of cake is obviously just not true. I know that I, personally, have had wonderfully moist pieces of cake. I know the First Lady has as well. I mean, you know, people get one dry piece of cake and they think it represents a whole country’s output. I mean, maybe it got dry because we had to fly it to Iran. Did he ever think of that? I doubt it. If he comes here, has some cake in the White House, in the United States, I guarantee you it’ll be moist. It’ll be the moistest thing he’s ever eaten. Not that I know everything he’s eaten, but you know what I mean.”

Vice President Cheney also dismissed the Iranian president’s comments. “It’s just absurd,” Cheney said. “I know for a fact it’s absurd. I just ate a whole cake in the kitchen here, standing near the refrigerator, and it was incredibly moist. So he is once again just making these big claims without knowing the facts.”