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High School Student Realizes Only Hope For Individualized Attention Is Affair With Teacher

A high school student in Phoenix, Arizona realized Friday that his only hope for receiving individualized attention from his calculus teacher is to have an affair with her.

“It just hit me, at lunch,” the student, who has chosen to remain anonymous, told The Bulletin. “I have to start an affair with [the teacher], and then I’ll get the help I need with the homework and whatnot.”

The student said he hopes to bring his homework with him to their secret rendezvous and ask for help in between love-making sessions.

“I figure if I’m good enough in bed, I can kind of slide into the homework without being too obvious about it,” he said. “I can’t overplay my hand, though. I have to be careful.”

It’s either have an affair or get lost in a sea of other students.

“There are, like, 30 kids in that class,” he said. “There’s no way to get [the teacher’s] attention. But if we’re naked and alone in a motel room, I already have her attention.”