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“You’re the Real Victim Here,” A-Rod Tells Own Naked Reflection

Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, who was banned for the entire 2014 baseball season, including all postseason games, told his own naked reflection that it was the real victim in the epic battle of Major League Baseball vs. Alex Rodriguez.

“You’re the victim here,” Rodriguez told his nude reflection, while standing in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. He and his reflection had just taken a shower. “This is a witch-hunt. You’re the biggest player in the game, and they know it. Bud Selig knows it, and he’s jealous. Of course he is. He could never be you. Look at you. He could only dream of being as glorious as you.”

Rodriguez then kissed the reflection and said, “Love you, baby,” and returned to the bathroom.