Washington – White House Press Secretary Dana Perino announced the formation of a special White House Task Force on Curiosity and Inquisitiveness. The task force will investigate alleged acts of curiosity on the part of American citizens, reports of which have circulated on the internet. Vice President Cheney spearheaded the effort to form the task force.
“The vice president has heard these allegations and seen some of these reports, and he saw a need to address this problem,” Perino told reporters today at the White House. “If there are Americans wantonly asking questions and looking into the actions of their government without any authorization, that’s obviously something that will not be tolerated.”
Asked what methods the task force would implement in its investigation, Perino was reluctant to provide details. “I can’t go into specifics, obviously, as this relates to issues of national security. And even if it didn’t, I wouldn’t. But what I can say is that we have obtained the cooperation of several patriotic companies in the field of telecommunications, specifically internet service providers. And through their cooperation, hopefully we’ll get the information we need to figure out who it is asking these ‘questions’ about their government. And in the meantime, we’ll know if you’re planning a terrorist attack. Or if you’ve ever been Muslim. Or that you like internet porn. Whichever, it’s a win-win for us.”
Perino added that it’s fortunate the United States has such a relatively small number of curious citizens, as it should make the task force’s job “a bit more manageable.”
“I mean, it doesn’t appear there are too many people engaging in this behavior, luckily,” Perino said. “Thank God, most people in America don’t want to ‘ask things’ of their government. They accept things. We say, ‘Hey, you know what, this is what happened.’ And they say, ‘Oh, okay. Thank you. I’m going to go buy a big-screen TV now. Is that okay?’ And we say, ‘Yes, little person. That’s fine. You run along now.’ And that is the way it is supposed to be.”