The Way You Just Washed Your Daughter’s Hair Was Technically Waterboarding

man washing his toddler's hair in the bath

You, a young father of an adorable 3-year-old girl, was informed by a friend that the manner in which you just washed the young girl’s hair would technically be considered waterboarding, a process widely considered to torture and banned by both the Bush and Obama administrations.

The friend happened to be visiting your house while you were giving your daughter her bath. The friend happened to see the process you use to wash the girl’s hair.

“You know that’s waterboarding, right?” the friend said. “Waterboarding is basically that, mimicking drowning so the person feels like that’s what’s happening to them. Your daughter definitely feels like she’s drowning right now.”

“The only thing you don’t have is the cloth over the face,” the friend said. “But everything else is right in line.”

You were greatly concerned to learn this, but as you explained while rinsing the last of the shampoo off your daughter’s head, “It’s the only way to get it clean.”

The friend shrugged. “Well, look at it this way: if she’s hiding anything about where she put her toys or whether she ate her vegetables, she’ll probably tell you now.”

April 25th, 2016 by