Bush, Putin Make Out, Fight, Make Out

MOSCOW – In what is shaping up to be the roller coaster romance of the summer, U.S. President George Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin ran through all the many permutations of their heated romance while Bush was in Moscow to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over Nazi Germany in World War II. The two world leaders broke up and made up no less than ten times during Bush’s visit, volleying from hate to love, from passion to cold neglect. “He absolutely drive me crazy,” Putin said of Bush. “So stubborn. Head like pig. Stirs up tensions with neighbor countries. But then all he does is say ‘nukeular’ and my heart, it skips beat. What am I to do?”

“Well, it’s like fire and ice,” Bush said. “I mean, I’m the fire. I can be pretty tough to deal with. And Vladimir, he’s icy. Cold. Icy. Like…ice. So it works out. And I know just how to melt him. You get that? ‘Cause I’m the fire? It’s a what-do-you-call, meteor. Metaphor. Whatever the hell.”

The on-again, off-again romance has become constant fodder for gossip columns worldwide. Notes found left behind in Bush’s hotel room supposedly written by Bush and Putin to one another contain phrases like, “You are the vodka for my heart,” and, “Sometimes I think I love you more than freedom.”

But by the time Monday’s festivities came to a close, tension had already returned. Witnesses say they heard Putin raising his voice at Bush in Russian just before the two were to part. A piece of the exchange was picked up by a nearby news microphone.

Putin (in Russian): If I hear ‘democracy’ one more time, I’ll scream! You’re pushing me! Pushing me! Not ready means not ready! Why can’t you understand that?!

Bush: Now, Vlad, you know I don’t speak Russian. All I heard was ‘democracy.’

Putin: Exactly! Exactly!

Bush: Come here. Let me rub your head.

Putin: No. No. Not this time. Nyet!

Bush and Putin

May 9th, 2005 by