Bush Offers Nation Change from Floor of Car

Washington – Seeking to address the worsening U.S. financial crisis, President Bush said today that the nation could have the 52 cents he found on the floor of one of several armored limousines used for presidential travel. “I was going to use it to get some chewing gum or something like that,” Mr. Bush said from the South Lawn of the White House. “But then I thought, ‘No. I’ll give it to the Nation. They need it more than I do at a time like this.’ Plus, you can’t get anything good for 52 cents anyway. Maybe, like, 10 pieces of Bazooka.”

Asked if he was offering any further solutions towards easing the crisis, Mr. Bush thought for a moment and said, “Uh, no. This is it for now. But I don’t know if you heard me when I said the Nation doesn’t have to pay this back. It’s a gift. No strings attached.”

President Bush at podium

A reporter pointed out that with a U.S. population of roughly 300 million, 52 cents isn’t going to go very far, when divided up among everyone in the country.

“Well, what does that mean, I shouldn’t do it?” Bush retorted. “If you can save a cat in a tree, do you not do it because you’re…you’re not going to make enough of a profit? No. You save the cat. You always save the cat.”

The reporter responded, “Well, Sir, it works out to roughly 1.73 times 10 to the negative 9 cents per person, to be more precise.”

Bush responded, “Okay, well, first of all, I have no idea what you just said. And second of all, so what? 52 cents is 52 cents. You know what, how about this – you don’t get your share. Then there’s that much more for everybody else. There’s another 1.73 to the ten-oh-nine or whatever it is, to give to the others. You know, I was going to look through the insides of our other limos, too. But now…now I’m not so sure.”

April 29th, 2008 by