Al Qaeda Begins Fall Fund Drive

Osama bin Laden’s notorious terrorist group Al Qaeda has begun its Fall Fund Drive, according to an audio message released by the group’s deputy, Ayman al-Zawahri, Tuesday. The Fund Drive typically includes round-the-clock audio programming where Al Qaeda members entreat listeners for donations to help maintain operations.

“Well, it is that time of year again, loyal listeners, the Fall Fund Drive,” al-Zawahri said in the taped message, first broadcast on Al Jazeera television. “And this year, we need you more than ever. There are more terrorists groups vying for your attention and your donations than ever before. But al Qaeda was here before so many others. We have done the most to advance the jihad against the U.S. and its evil, imperialistic allies. In this topsy-turvy world, you need to know your terrorist group is in the global jihad for the long haul. And we are. Al Qaeda remains the most trusted name in coordinated terror attacks.”

According to al-Zawahri, people who make a donation of $25.00 or more will receive an “I Support al Qaeda” tote bag. For donations of $1,000 or more, donors will receive the remastered box set of all al Qaeda audio releases since its inception.

“In fact, because our mission is so important, we will even accept donations from infidels,” al-Zawahri said in concluding his segment on the first day of the campaign. “Just because you are going to burn in the eternal fires of hell doesn’t mean you can’t support our important efforts. You may even get a mug.”

October 21st, 2009 by